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Ken Dodd Quotes and Sayings
Quotes by Ken Dodd

I hope you like these Ken Dodd quotes from my collection of quotes about life.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny
because I lived near the seaside.
- Ken Dodd

If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh.
Those seven laughs a minute - I've got to have them.
- Ken Dodd

Re-examine all that you have been told...
dismiss that which insults your soul.
- Walt Whitman

Life is about more than today, and more than yourself.
What will your legacy be?
What will your great-grandchildren be told about you?
Creating a legacy does not have to be a burden,
it can be your joy and can create
your satisfaction with living each day.
What kind of world do you want to leave your great-grandchildren?
What can you do today to help create that world?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
- C. S. Lewis

In all of his bestsellers, the Divine has told the truth,
custom-tailored to the comprehension of the times.
- Ernest Holmes

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Most of us believe that we have
been betrayed by someone outside of us -
in other words someone has done something to hurt us,
been dishonest or broken a promise made:
some trust in some concept was broken.
Indeed someone may have taken an action
that took only their needs into consideration,
they may have not followed through on a promise made,
and they may have not told you the truth.
But their actions have nothing to do with you
and have everything to do with them.
That's why no one can do anything TO you.
They can take actions that involve you that you may not like -
according to your point of view.
But you are not a victim, no way, no how.
- Sheri Rosenthal

When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed.
I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly.
He cut the legs off the bed.
- Lou Brock

I've never really had a hobby, unless you count art,
which the IRS once told me I had to declare as a hobby
since I hadn't made money with it.
- Laurie Anderson

I've told my children that when I die,
to release balloons in the sky to celebrate that I graduated.
For me, death is a graduation.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and
I told him of course he could,
so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
- Eric Morecambe

Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie.'
- Sandra Bullock

I pressed my father's hand and told him I would protect his grave with my life.
My father smiled and passed away to the spirit land.
- Chief Joseph

The Moon Cannot Be Stolen:
A thief entered the little hut of a Zen Master,
but discovered there was nothing to steal.
The Zen Master discovered the thief.
"You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler,
"and you should not return empty-handed.
Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered,
but he took the clothes and slunk away.
The Zen Master sat naked, watching the moon.
"Poor fellow," he mused,
"I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
- Traditional Zen Koan

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet,
so he gave me pep pills.
Know what happened? I ate faster.
- Joe E. Lewis

Bobby Knight told me this: 'There is nothing that a
good defense cannot beat a better offense.'
In other words a good offense wins.
- Dan Quayle

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year.
I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
- Claude Pepper

I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America,
the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry,
and of criminal inquiry too.
- Thomas Jefferson

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.
One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.
I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner

I have never been a material girl.
My father always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back.
- Imelda Marcos

Books! I dunno if I ever told you this,
but books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono

Father told me that if I ever met a lady in a dress like yours,
I must look her straight in the eyes.
- Prince Charles

All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told.
Many a man his life hath sold
but my outside to behold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
- William Shakespeare

It was my father who taught me to value myself.
He told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that
I was the most precious thing in his life.
- Dawn French

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult.
It's not.
Mine had me trained in two days.
- Bill Dana

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation,
he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
- Henny Youngman

The best money advice ever given me was from my father.
When I was a little girl, he told me,
'Don't spend anything unless you have to.'
- Dinah Shore

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument.
He told me to knock myself out.
- Jay London

I have this theory - that if we're told we're bad,
then that's the only ideal we'll ever have.
- Jewel

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
- Orson Welles

I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved.
- George Eliot

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President;
I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow

History is a pack of lies about events that never happened
told by people who weren't there.
- George Santayana

John Candy knew he was going to die.
He told me on his 40th birthday.
He said, well, Maureen, I'm on borrowed time.
- Maureen O'Hara

My mother told me to be a lady.
And for her, that meant be your own person,
be independent.
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Raft told me how to walk with him in a scene:
We'd start off in a long shot normal,
and about the time we got together in a close-up,
I'd be bending my knees so I'd be shorter.
- Marie Windsor

My grandparents told endless stories about the town they were from.
It became an almost mythic place.
- Vincent Schiavelli

I would have told him that I appreciated his friendship
through the years and that I had learned a lot from him.
I really loved Frank like you do a brother.
- Jimmy Carl Black

That's what my Dad always told me, on the ballot,
they should always have a third choice,
like none of the above, then if enough people picked that,
they'd have to get new candidates.
- Meg White

At the age of 16, something happened with my finger and the doctor told me,
you never can be a organist or pianist,
so think about what you do with music.
- Kurt Masur

I always told, Sandra Bullock was my student when she was younger,
I always told her it's important that we hold on to our insecurity,
the wisdom of insecurity.
- Sally Kirkland

I don't like it, but this afternoon I've told myself
I am going to go and get a dress.
- Antonia Fraser

The bank told us we ought to sell this house to pay off our overdraft.
Riders saved the day.
I was so pleased when it got to number one,
I went all around the fields crying and crying.
- Jilly Cooper

Do what you're told, and everything will be all right.
- Norman Jewison

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Before a secret is told, one can often feel the weight of it in the atmosphere.
- Susan Griffin

I remember once when I told Lindsay Anderson at a party
that acting was just a sophisticated way of playing
cowboys and Indians he almost had a fit.
- John Hurt

Now that he has disavowed as outright lies many of
the stories he told himself,
it's hard to know what to make of those who still insist
that David Brock had it right the first time.
- Jane Mayer

Lies are told only to convey to someone that one has
no need either of him or his good opinion.
- Theodor Adorno

I've been told I'm a player, but people still don't always return my calls.
- Tabitha Soren

I have found people don't want to be told.
That they can figure it out.
- Bob Woodward

The way that a handful of corporations in Los Angeles
dictate how our stories are told creates a real poverty
of imagination and it's a big problem.
- Alex Cox

The guys have told me not to quit my day job.
- Garth Brooks

Any story that Billy Wilder told, you can tell in a Western.
- Lawrence Kasdan

Everybody has a bad hair day, but us girls still like
to be told we look nice even if we don't feel like we do.
- Cat Deeley

A myth is the name of a terrible lie told by a smelly
little brown person to a man in a white suit with a pair of binoculars.
- David Antin

I told him that my own opinion was that the time now
and the method now to deal with Russia was to keep
our mouths shut and let our actions speak for words.
- Henry L. Stimson

No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl.
All little girls should be told they're pretty,
even if they aren't.
- Marilyn Monroe

I knew more about Texas than the Texans and when they
told me I would find summer here I smiled knowingly.
- Richard H. Davis

A kiss, when all is said, what is it? A rosy dot placed on the 'I' in loving;
Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear.
- Edmond Rostand

I was told that I had to give grades to the students,
which I wasn't particularly interested in doing.
- Merce Cunningham

The story as told in The Odyssey doesn't hold water.
There are too many inconsistencies.
- Margaret Atwood

Who has sent you against me? Who has told you to do this thing?
- Roberto Calvi

I told you to sell it, not give it away.
- Jerome Robbins

Day after day, I spent long afternoons in the talent pool,
being told how to walk, how to talk,
how to sit.
- Gene Tierney

I heard Mr. Wild Bill Davis.
I heard him play in 1930 and he told me that it would
take me fifteen years just to learn the pedals,
the pedals of the organ and I got mad.
- Jimmy Smith

A lot of compelling stories in the world aren't being told,
and the fact that people don't know about them compounds the suffering.
- Anderson Cooper

I told Mr. Nader today that a vote for Ralph Nader
is really a vote for George Bush.
- Barbara Lee

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions.
He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
- Jay London

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age,
only by his works.' And ever since he told me that,
I stopped worrying.
- Ronald Reagan


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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