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I hope you like these W. Somerset Maugham quotes from my collection of quotes about life.
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Related topics: Life Human-Nature Psychology
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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