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I like pens.
by Todd Barry

I like pens.
My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase.
- Todd Barry

I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone.
- Todd Barry

People in New York love having roof parties.
- Todd Barry

I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again,
which is strange.
- Todd Barry

 

Some venues are better run than others.
Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners
being served in front of your face.
You can have a good or bad show anywhere.
- Todd Barry

I don't know any astronauts.
There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.
- Todd Barry

I want to release another CD this year,
finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film.
- Todd Barry

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat,
so it's not that brutal.
It's only $6.
- Todd Barry

I would call it a comedy variety show.
We have some people just doing straight standup.
We usually try to have one musical act of sort.
So its just people being funny in different ways,
not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters,
all of those things.
- Todd Barry

I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity,
but I'm too classy to bring that up.
- Todd Barry

If I'm at a party and someone puts on a Blues Brothers tape,
I tend to go nuts.
- Todd Barry

I used to write things out beforehand.
But sometimes it backfires.
- Todd Barry

If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss,
wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward.
- Todd Barry

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.
- Todd Barry

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started.
- Todd Barry

I don't really know much about pirates,
or pirate culture.
I'd be a contrarian pirate.
- Todd Barry

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta.
I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.
- Todd Barry

I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge
of certain things for people who are not comedians.
Like Montreal.
A comic understands what it is and its importance,
but someone else may not know about it.
- Todd Barry

I basically did comedy there for about a year,
and then moved to New York.
If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself
on the road for at least a year.
- Todd Barry

I had temping jobs also.
I liked the flexibility.
There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I've always had scattered interests,
but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that.
- Todd Barry

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller,
but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller.
I guess I was just less interesting than I am now,
if I am interesting at all.
- Todd Barry

It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only.
It feels more special.
- Todd Barry

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating
all humankind with love and respect a sport.
- Todd Barry

I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.
- Todd Barry

People don't understand that that's really what it is.
They're looking for a magic phone number or something.
And to a certain extent, I understand that,
because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people.
- Todd Barry

Anyone who bombs is my friend.
- Todd Barry

I had some friends that tried it down there,
and I went to a couple of open mics,
and I just kind of got this...
this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it.
- Todd Barry

I did end up doing substitute teaching,
but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses
make a comment about a joke of mine,
like pointing out some sort of logic error or something
that I've never even thought about,
and they're right.
- Todd Barry

Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days.
- Todd Barry

There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake.
- Todd Barry

There's people that are just in awe of what you do,
and then there are people who just think it's garbage.
And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable
seeing someone have fun with their job.
- Todd Barry

I've never been a TV junkie.
I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show.
- Todd Barry

I must have done everything I had.
You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written.
- Todd Barry

I got access to a private tour of the zoo.
I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend.
- Todd Barry

I will not be misquoted!
- Todd Barry

It was actually 3 years between albums.
That seems like a long time to me.
- Todd Barry

I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.
- Todd Barry

Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle.
It's a comedy show started by David Cross,
me and Jon Benjamin.
It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons.
- Todd Barry

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit.
There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also.
- Todd Barry

I loved Australia.
I was very successful there.
- Todd Barry

Only lately, like within the last few years,
have I had people actually do an impression of me to me,
which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on,
without ever realizing it myself.
- Todd Barry

I love chicken.
I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this
is what I should be doing before I realized it,
consciously.
Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it,
even though I was driving everywhere,
every night, just trying to get on stage.
- Todd Barry

I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom,
so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide
you wanted to be a comic,
and on Monday, you could be on stage.
- Todd Barry

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place.
- Todd Barry

And the goal really is to make the audience laugh,
to bring them some joy.
- Todd Barry

You always think you're better than you are in the beginning.
- Todd Barry

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anger is like a thorn in the heart.
- Yiddish Proverb

We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand -
and melting like a snowflake.
- Marie B. Ray

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain

I don't know if we each have a destiny,
or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze.
But I, I think maybe it's both.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Confession of errors is like a broom
which sweeps away the dirt
and leaves the surface brighter and clearer.
I feel stronger for confession.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Make a conscious choice to live
a serene and stress-free life.
Stress is always waiting just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm actually starting to like more and more people
who have convictions that are unpopular.
-Bono

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
- Lao Tzu

If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

I don't like that man.
I must get to know him better.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life is like music; it must be composed by ear,
feeling, and instinct, not by rule.
- Samuel Butler

Life is like riding a bicycle.
To keep your balance you must keep moving.
- Albert Einstein

A divorce is like an amputation:
you survive it, but there's less of you.
- Margaret Atwood

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words
but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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