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It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Related topics: Life Human-Nature Psychology
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity,
but in being uninteresting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Times like these, dark times,
they do funny things to people.
They can tear them apart.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
Today is my day to laugh at life.
Laugh loud - laugh often.
Laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad.
Laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
The road to success is always under construction.
- Anonymous
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
To fall in love is awfully simple,
but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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