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The English contribution to world cuisine -
by John Cleese

The English contribution to world cuisine -
the chip.
- John Cleese

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman.
Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
- John Cleese

It seems astounding to me now that the video games
are perhaps as important as the movie themselves.
And people will spend 2 or 3 years obsessing about
the video game in exactly the same way that they'd
be obsessing about the movie if they were working on that.
- John Cleese

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better,
which makes you more open to my ideas.
And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make,
by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.
- John Cleese

 

I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.
- John Cleese

If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.
- John Cleese

Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like...
Some wines that some experts think are absolutely exquisite
don't appeal to me at all.
- John Cleese

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Wine is wonderful stuff.
But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.
- John Cleese

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living
asking 'Do you want fries with that?'
- John Cleese

When the target audience is American teenage kids,
you can have problems.
My generation prized really fine acting and writing.
Sometimes you have to go back to the basic principles
which underpin great visual comedy.
- John Cleese

The thrill I got discovering Buster Keaton when I was
growing up was so exciting.
He was one of the greats.
- John Cleese

But then acting is all about faking.
We're all very good at faking things that we have no competence with.
- John Cleese

Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
- John Cleese

If God did not intend for us to eat animals,
then why did he make them out of meat?
- John Cleese

I can never do better than Fawlty Towers whatever I do.
Now I very much want to teach young talent some rules of the game.
- John Cleese

For me, the great problem growing up in England was
that I had a very narrow concept of what God can be,
and it was damn close to an old man with a beard.
- John Cleese

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people
that life's about change.
- John Cleese

God was treated like this powerful, erratic,
rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised.
You know, flattered.
- John Cleese

A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.
- John Cleese

I was very sad to hear of the death of Ronnie Barker,
who was such a warm, friendly and encouraging presence
to have when I started in television.
He was also a great comic actor to learn from.
- John Cleese

Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.
- John Cleese

He who laughs most, learns best.
- John Cleese

I tend to have an odd split in my mind:
I tend to look at it as a writer and when the writing
thing is OK and I'm happy with it,
then I put on my actor's hat.
- John Cleese

I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire,
and that's to get rid of all my other desires.
- John Cleese

The really good idea is always traceable back quite a long way,
often to a not very good idea which sparked off another
idea that was only slightly better,
which somebody else misunderstood in such a way that
they then said something which was really rather interesting.
- John Cleese

I think that sometimes you do something that makes
a small group of people laugh,
which is all we were trying to do; we were just trying
to make each other laugh.
- John Cleese

I can't tell you how scary it can be walking onto a
movie and suddenly joining this family,
it's like going to somebody else's Christmas dinner,
everyone knows everyone, and you're there and you're
not quite sure what you're supposed to be doing.
- John Cleese

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb

FEAR is an acronym in the English language
for "False Evidence Appearing Real."
- Neale Donald Walsch

One of the greatest cause of unhappiness -
perhaps even the only cause of unhappiness - is comparison.
I remember as a young child hearing my mother say,
"Comparisons are odious."
That is one of the oldest sayings in the English language,
and one of the most important.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Comparisons are odious.
- old English Proverb

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Anger is often more hurtful than the injury that caused it.
- English Proverb

Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing.
- Robert Benchley

I'm an advocate of the great Dr. Johnson, the English
man of letters who said that patriotism was the last refuge of the scoundrel.
- George Galloway

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

We have always found the Irish a bit odd.
They refuse to be English.
- Winston Churchill

It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which
occur more frequently in memory than in life.
- P. D. James

The only thing that I'd rather own than Windows is English,
because then I could charge you two hundred and forty-nine
dollars for the right to speak it.
- Scott McNealy

All hockey players are bilingual.
They know English and profanity.
- Gordie Howe

If your computer speaks English, it was probably made in Japan.
- Alan Perlis

The English scene got more media attention with their emphasis on fashion,
with the safety pins and all.
There were some really good bands over there.
The Sex Pistols were great.
- Greg Ginn

You might sooner get lightning out of incense smoke
than true action or passion out of your modern English religion.
- John Ruskin

I played English football - soccer -
instead of American football,
because we couldn't afford the equipment.
- Wally Schirra

I am just like 99% of my friends in France,
who say on their resume they can speak fluent English.
In reality, they can't even count up to three.
- Greg Akcelrod

The recent riots in France demonstrate the problem
European countries face where second and third generation
immigrants still do not consider themselves French,
German, or English.
- Bobby Jindal

It appears that the English think the Japanese...
are fond of opium, and they want to bring it here also.
- Townsend Harris

The English Bible - a book which, if everything else
in our language should perish,
would alone suffice to show the whole extent of its beauty and power.
- Thomas B. Macaulay

You know, I do speak the Queens English.
It's just the wrong Queens that's all.
It's over the 59th Street Bridge.
It's not over the Atlantic Ocean.
- Cyndi Lauper

The English are polite by telling lies.
The Americans are polite by telling the truth.
- Malcolm Bradbury

I haven't spoken English with native speakers in several months.
I've been speaking Arabic.
- John Walker Lindh

It was always said that the big distinction between
the French and the English is that the English are
intelligent and the French are intellectual.
- Kenneth Baker

I know my own heart to be entirely English.
- Princess Anne

I translated Beatles songs for my English class.
- Christian Lacroix

I was also in love with the English language.
- Dick Schaap

The American mind, unlike the English,
is not formed by books, but, as Carl Sandburg once said to me...
by newspapers and the Bible.
- Van Wyck Brooks

Those who prefer their English sloppy have only themselves
to thank if the advertisement writer uses his mastery
of the vocabulary and syntax to mislead their weak minds.
- Dorothy L. Sayers

If English was good enough for Jesus Christ,
then it's good enough for Texas.
- Ma Ferguson

We English have sex on the brain.
Not the best place for it, actually.
- Laurence Harvey

English history is all about men liking their fathers,
and American history is all about men hating their
fathers and trying to burn down everything they ever did.
- Malcolm Bradbury

Well, I'm having a good time.
Which makes me feel guilty too.
How very English.
- David Attenborough

I never had to learn English, French and German because
I was brought up as all three languages.
I had a private French teacher before I even went to school.
That helped a lot.
- Karl Lagerfeld

In 1763 the English were the most powerful nation in the world.
- Albert Bushnell Hart

O friend unseen, unborn, unknown, Student of our sweet English tongue,
I never indulge in poetics - Unless I am down with rheumatics.
- Quintus Ennius

Many great horror stories are period pieces and English
actors have a facility for historic characters.
- Robert Englund

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady;
in English a deadly poison.
A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
- Ambrose Bierce

The English like eccentrics.
They just don't like them living next door.
- Julian Clary

Ironically, for a few million people in the Far East,
I did become an English teacher through my music.
- Pat Boone

The true sovereign is not the American president nor the English king,
but the Lord of the Second Advent.
- Sun Myung Moon

I don't know why you use a fancy French word like detente
when there's a good English phrase for it -
cold war.
- Golda Meir

Also, I have found that I really like to work in English.
It's very strange because it's exactly the opposite
of what I thought it would be like.
- Olivier Martinez


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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